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Sunday, 25 August 2013

Village Life!

    No.112 "Good morning sir, how can I be of assistance?"
    No.6 "Good morning. Now assistant......"
   "Just a minute sir, I'm not the assistant, I am the Shopkeeper."
   "Then you're just the fellow I want to talk to. Your assistant yesterday...."
   "My assistant sir?"
   "Yes him. I came into your emporium yesterday, and your assistant was completely unhelpful!"
    "Was he sir?"
    "Yes."
    "Well let me see if I can help."
    "Good, you seem to be a man who I can do business with."
    "I'll certainly do my best sir."
    "The bacon, has it arrived?"
    "No sir. We decided to keep the pig."
    "Did you?"
    "Yes sir."
    "Well I'll take half a pound of your sausgaes."
    "You should have come sooner sir."
    "Should I?"
    "Sold the last pound of sausages half an hour ago."
    "Did you!"
    "To Number Thirty-six."
    "Well I seem to be out of luck."
    "I could sell you a nice Cuckoo clock."
    "What might I do with a cuckoo clock?
    "Hang it on the wall." 
    "Special import, International are they?"
    "Yes sir, they're from Switzerland!"
    {Cuckoo goes one of the clocks}
    "I couldn't agree more. That just about sums up your Emporium!"
    "I'm sorry you're feeling unsatisfied sir."
    "What's that to do with anything?"
    "I really don't know sir!"
    "Well don't get personal!"
    "Well sir, can I get you anything else?"
    "Have you any cheese?"
    "Yes sir, what can I get you?"
    "Half a pound of Wensleydale."
    "I'm sorry sir, I'm fresh out of Wensleydale."
    "Oh well never mind, what about Red Leicester?"
    "No."
    "Never mind, onward stout fellow. How about Tintern?"
    "Sold the last piece this morning."
    "Stilton?"
    "Phew, it's gone off sir!"
    "Has it?"
    "So it appears."
    "Appearences can be deceptive you know. What about a good plain cheddar?"
    "Yes sir, I have some cheddar."
    "Good half a pound please."
    "Oh damn!"
    "What's the matter?"
    "The mouse has eaten it!"
    "Has it?!"
    "I'm sorry sir."
    "Not as sorry as I am!"
    "Will there be anything else sir?"
    "A box of matches please."
    "I'm sorry sir......."
    "No, don't tell me. They're on strike!"
    "How did you know that sir?"
    Ting-a-ling-a-ling sounded the shop bell.

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