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Sunday, 26 October 2014

The Man Who Haunted Himself


   I don’t know what the game is!
   “Neither do I.”
   But wherever I go, I’ve always been there a few minutes before.
   “I could say the same, what’s more I’m getting fed up with it!”
    “I went to the kiosk the other day to buy a copy of The Tally Ho, and a bar of soap, and this little old woman came up to me and offered me a sweet. What’s more she thanked me for buying her a bag of sweets!!!
    “So it was you!”
    No it wasn’t me. Do you honestly think I go about buying little old ladies bags of sweets?
    “Well I didn’t. Because by the time I got to the kiosk I had already bought a copy of the newspaper and a bar of soap. What’s more I’d already gone for my daily stroll around The Village. I almost thought I would meet myself coming down the Bell Tower!”
    I went for my semi-weekly Kosho practise the other day.
    “What happened?”
    There was my apparent opponent climbing out of the tank of water! He asked me if I’d returned for a second bout.
   “And you hadn’t?”
   No.
   “Do you know what?
   What?
   “I think someone’s going about The Village impersonating us!”
   You mean there’s more than two of us?
   “Even then that’s one too many.”
   There have been twins or doppelgangers in The Village before.
   “I’ll stand for twins, but I’m blowed if I’ll stand for triplets!”
   What’s your name?
   “Flapjack Charlie!”
   Don’t be flippant.
   “I’ve got a mole on my left wrist.”
   So have I {pulls up his sleeve to find he hasn’t}
   “Not quite the perfect replica after all!”
    Ah, I’ve got a bruised fingernail. {pointing his finger}
   “How did you get that?”
   Alison knocked over a soda syphon.
   “Clumsy.”
   Well I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours!
   “I haven’t got a bruised fingernail!”
   Well that proves who I am. Now who are you?
   “You daren’t kill me. I’ve got to come back as Number 1.”
    He’s not here as well is he?
    “He must be if someone’s going about impersonating us!”
    Oh don’t start all that again.
     "It might help if you wore a different coloured blazer!"
   Why me, what about you?
    “Drink?”
    Whisky.
   “Ice? I usually keep it in the ice bucket over there.”
   Cigar?
   “I only smoke white cigarettes, Senior Service.”
   Isn’t there any way out of this?
   “Doesn’t look like it.”
   Better call Number Two, he’ll soon sort it out.
   “Well someone better had, it's become all to boring!”
   {Voice over, I agree too boring too boring. Supervisor get some discipline into these men!}

Be seeing you

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