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Wednesday 7 July 2021

The Tally Ho


The Miraculous Doings Of The Black Cat!

     by our own reporter

    Here at The Tally Ho, in true journalistic tradition, we never let anything get in the way of a good story. And cats do make a good human story. Black cats can either be lucky or unlucky if they cross your path, but in either case whatever luck they contain is dependent upon where you live in the World. In history black cats have been judged to be a symbol of evil omens, or the “familiar” of a witch! But either way its bad luck on No.6, because “You’re not allowed animals, it’s a rule,” well that’s what No.54 told him in ‘Dance of The Dead’ according to the Bureau of Visual Records.
    No.6 first came across the black cat when he was about to set sail on a voyage of discovery when there was a sudden breakage of crockery. In that instant hope of escape was dashed away, but only for a moment, because as he saw the cat, hope was instantly restored. He thought it was the cat who broke that cup and saucer. No it wasn’t the cat, I cannot see how it possibly could have been, someone must have been there, who No.6 could not see. Although Visual records have proved to no-one was there! But when No.6 set sail on his raft the cat was still sitting on a table, on the lawn of the Old People’s Home with the broken crockery. Now knowing what cats are, and how jumpy they can be, the instant that cup and saucer were smashed the cat should have jumped off the table and run off. So how likely is it that the cat would still be sitting on that exact same table by the broken crockery some 27 days or so later? Highly improbable I would have said, but there sat the cat, watching a figure on the beach.
    No.6, having returned to the village walks up the cobbled path back to his cottage, and as he does so there is no sign of the cat. Presumably it’s still on the table on the lawn of the Old People’s Home. No.6 enters his cottage, the door closes behind him the water is turned back on, the electricity is turned back on, and up until this point there has been no sign of the cat. And yet there is the cat on the carpet in the lounge before the door opens and No.2 walks in bearing a cake. So how did the cat get in the cottage?  The Village cat must be truly fleet of paw, and very clever to get into the cottage through a closed door {there being no cat flap and before the electricity is turned back on} because until this moment there has been no sign of the cat in the cottage. And yet there she is. One might think the cat nips into the cottage behind No.6, or before he closes the door behind him. Yet there is no evidence for that in the scene.
   According to the Bureau of Visual Records the cat was with No.2 when she found No.6 nosing about in the mortuary. She saw how the cat had taken to No.6, she told him that the cat is hers; she works in the village too, the cat being very efficient, almost ruthless. And then what happened? No.2 escorted No.6 out of the mortuary, closing the door, and trapping the cat in the mortuary!
    Invariably cats have two homes, but once again, according to the Bureau of Visual Records No.2’s cat is able to be in two places at the one time! One night, just after curfew, the cat was lying on No.6’s bed, and No.6 being a cat lover was not inclined to disturb the cat, instead he made himself comfortable on the recliner for the night. And yet, a few moments later, when No.2 enters her office in the Green Dome, there is the cat on her desk! How did the cat, comfortably lying on a bed in 6 Private, suddenly jump up and get to the Green Dome so quickly? Especially when this is after curfew and the door to 6 Private would have been locked! Again consulting the Bureau of Visual Records, No.6 was able to get out of his cottage via the French door, which had been left unlocked. Jumping from the balcony he did leave the French door open, and it’s possible the cat got out that way. But to get from 6 Private to the Green Dome and into No.2’s office within eight seconds, well to do that it would have been miraculous!
   No.2 told No.6 that the cat belongs to her. How then are we to account for the fact that the cat is first seen on the day No.6 sets sail aboard his sea-going raft? Then later in his cottage with Mrs. Butterworth, now the new interim No.2, and yet the cat is in No.6’s cottage, but not really with this new No.2. Someone had to be in charge of the village while No.6 was on his voyage of discovery, could that interim No.2 have been No.2 of ‘Dance of The Dead?’ No.2 could have been Mrs. Butterworth, and if having overseen No.6’s escape from the village, then at some point she left for London to be ready to greet him at his London house. Then after she had been interviewed by the police, or special branch, she left for the village so to arrive in time to greet No.6 upon his return to the village. But then who was in charge for the time Mrs. Butterworth was away? No.2 of ‘Dance of The Dead’ perhaps, simply on the grounds of the cat being hers. That would account why Mrs. Butterworth is hardly dressed for the village, wearing that white and blue diamond patterned dress of hers. And why she wears a black badge with a white canopied Penny Farthing with a white numeral 2. Perhaps because she is not officially No.2, just temporarily while she sees to the satisfactory conclusion of her assignment!

Be seeing you

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