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Tuesday 24 March 2020

Tales From The Village

    “Did you just plant these?”
    “Yes sir, Delphiniums.”
    “They’re new aren’t they, who told you to plant them?”
    “The head gardener sir, if they’re not right.”
    “I’ll dig them up and plant them again.”
    “I don’t think there’s any call for that 42. What about roses?”
    “Roses sir, what about them?”
    “I can see there’s mildew on that Betty Uprichard over there.”
    The gardener rose to his feet and walked over to the rose garden.
    “Just there” the man said pointing.
    “That’s a shame” the gardener said “It won first prize in the gardening competition last year.”
    “Oi what are you doing with those roses, have you got the Lobelia in?”
    “We were just discussing the roses, this Betty Uprichard has got a touch of mildew.”
    “Well what are we going to do about it?”   
    “Well a one to one thousand sulphuric wash should put it right in no time.”
    “Who told you that?”
    “This gentleman here.”
    “And what’s this got to do with you, are you a gardener?”
    “No sir.”
    “Well clear off out of it!”
    No.50 turned and walked away, leaving the gardeners to their gardening. He met No.119 by the pool and fountain in the Piazza.
    “Did you see what I did there?”
    While their attention was diverted I stole one of their trowels.
    “And where does that get us?”
    “A step closer to digging the escape tunnel!”
    “I’m a bit worried about this tunnel, it’s a long way to dig out under the estuary.”
    “Yes but only to the Island in the middle, once on the other side we are effectively screened from the village by the Island itself.”
    “Yes but where do we put all the sand dug out of the tunnel?”
    “We back fill as we go.”
    “Say again?”
    “As we dig the tunnel we back fill, that way there’s no danger of the tunnel collapsing.”
    “But won’t we suffocate to death that way?”
    “No, because I have a series of steel tubes which we push through the top of the tunnel as we go and they provide us with breathable air!”
   In the Control Room both the Supervisor and his assistant No.20 were watching No.2’s 50 and 119 on the wall screen.
    “You see what he did there” said the Supervisor.
    “He distracted the gardeners and stole a trowel.”
    “And we are going to let him get away with that?”
    “I shall of course inform Number 2” the Supervisor said picking up the yellow ‘L’ shaped intercom.
   “Really, well I think we can allow Number 50 to keep the trowel” said No.2,    
“After all while he and 119 are busy digging their tunnel, they’re not doing anything else. I mean how long will it take two men with only one trowel to dig an escape tunnel, and where will they put the sand?!”

Be seeing you

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