I’m New Here!

    “New here, what do you mean new here? You’ve been with us at least four months. What think you of that?”
    “But it seems like only yesterday that I woke up amongst you!”
    “Believe me all the trouble you have caused us, it seems a whole lot longer than that!”
    “Then why not let me go?”
    “Oh I couldn’t possibly do that.”

    “Why not?”
    “I won’t be here long enough, my term in office is all but up, my successor arrives on the morrow, and I leave the same way just minutes later.”
    “You don’t get to meet him?”
    Him? It might easily be a her, and if it is I wouldn’t try your charms on her old boy.”
    “Why?”
    “I really couldn’t say!”
    “You don’t get to hand over The Village to your successor then?”
    “Oh dear me no. The administration runs The Village, any new Number Two comes here only with a remit that concerns you, you must have learned that much while you have been with us.”
    “I’m new here, and I am most certainly not with you!”
    “You will be, sooner rather than later would be best for your own good.”
    “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you.”
    “No you’re not!”
    “You’re right, I’m not. “
    “Just tell me one thing...........had I said please, would you have told me then?”
    “We’ll never know.”
    “No, I suppose we won’t.”

    {The cottage door opens and two security guards dressed in white pith helmets, grey overalls, white boots and gloves stand framed in the open doorway}
    “Number Two the new Number 2 has just arrived.”

    “Good, then I’ll be going.”
    “Yes Number Two, you’ll be going with us.”
    “I don’t need the pair of you to escort me to the helicopter!”
    “Not to the helicopter, to your cottage.”
    {The colour drained from his face, his right hand felt for the badge pinned to the lapel of his double breasted blazer}
    “It appears that I will be staying after all............”

    {A few weeks later}

    “So how are things these days, it always takes a little time to settle in. But then I suppose it’s slightly different in your case, your having been here in the first place, not having to go through the process of waking up in your home from home. The lack of disorientation, knowing exactly where you are, if not why. But then you’ll be getting used to our little ways, not to mention the rules.”
    “I’m new here and so I’m excused.”
    “You are excused from nothing, and being new here isn’t any form of excuse. You have been with us for long enough now. Walk on the grass by all means, but don’t step on anyone’s toes!”
    “Or what?”
    “You could be imprisoned, or fined.”
    “I’d take imprisonment, and here that can only mean solitude!”
    “Yes you would like that, preferring your own company than that of your fellow citizens. That could be seen as anti-social!”
    “Fineable is it?”
    “Worse, it means instant social conversion!”
    “Then I’ll co-operate, but only up to a point.”
    “You know what’s good for you.”
    “Good for someone.”
    “Be seeing you Number 10.”

    “I’m no number…..number what?”
    “10 to befit an ex-Prime Minister. You see we even gave you a number relating to you previous home!”

BSEENU