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Wednesday 27 November 2019

Tally Ho

    “What do you mean by shouting that?”
    “Shouting what?”   
    “You know.”
    “Oh Taïaut it’s French.”
    “Oh if you like, but we are chasing a story.”
    “Of course, it’s the local election and there’s bound to be a story somewhere.”
    “This Number Six chappie who’s standing for election, what do we know about him?”
    “He’s an unknown quantity, and that’s most likely where the story will be.”
    “I can take his photograph.”
    “The candidate’s of course.”
    “There’s no need the editor will have got a picture from Visual Records, besides you never have any film in your camera. In fact the article has already been written and printed in The Tally Ho!”
    “Then what are we doing?”
    “We are doing what all good journalists do, we are chasing the story.”
    “How are we doing that lurking by this stagecoach?”
    “Look, the speeches have already begun. When the parade continues after those speeches, the candidate’s taxi will come passed here.”
    “When it does I jump into the back of the taxi, and you leap onto the bonnet.”
    “Who leaps onto the bonnet?”
    “You do.”
    “While the taxi is moving!”
    “Then what?”
    “I get an interview with the candidate.”
    “And what am I doing?”
    “You’re pretending to take the candidate’s photograph.”
    “How many photographs?”
    “As many as you will.”
    “While holding onto the windscreen for grim death!”
   “Is all this palaver really necessary?”
    “We are members of the press, we have our integrity to uphold. We are the guardians of free speech.”
    “Yeah that would be right. I don’t have any film in my camera but I’ve still got to take the candidates picture as many times as I will, and you are about to conduct an interview in which you’ll write nothing down in your notebook because the article is already written and no doubt published in the next edition of The Tally HO. Where is the integrity in that?”
    “Here we go, look lively there’s the taxi.”  
    No.113 jumps into the back of the taxi, and 113b leaps onto the bonnet.
    “Come again?”
    “Allow me to introduce myself, I am Number 113, and this is my photographic colleague Number 113b.”
    113b “Smile” click goes the camera.
    “We contribute to the local newspaper The Tally Ho you know.”
    No.6 “Drive on.”
    “This is red hot stuff you know, haven’t had a candidate of your calibre for ages.”
    “How are you going to handle your campaign?”
    “No comment.”
    “Intends to fight for freedom at all costs” 113 pretends to write.
    “Smile” click goes the camera.
    “How about your internal policy?”
    “No comment.”
    “Will tighten up on village security.”
    “Smile” click goes the camera.
    “How about your external policy?”
    “No comment.”
    “Our exports will cover every corner of the globe. How do you feel about life and death?”
    “Mind your own business!”
    “No comment!”

Be seeing you

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