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Saturday, 1 September 2018

THE TALLY HO

The Palace of Fun!


                 by our own reporter
      It has to be said that the map of the village doesn’t match the actual village. What’s more very little is actually marked on the map. The Old People’s Home, tower, the beach, the sea and mountains, cliffs and caves. The shop which should really be the Café seeing as the shop or General Stores is next to 6 Private. There’s the ship, and lawn, oh yes, and the Palace of Fun located on the map a few paces after the Town Hall, and roughly opposite the stagecoach. The stagecoach isn’t marked on the map, like the hospital, but they both do exist, whereas the Palace of Fun does not seem to physically exist. I asked several citizens if they could direct me to the Palace of Fun, one said take a look at you map, another asked me if they could look at my map, and was then able to point it out to me. While some said they think they have heard of the Palace of Fun, but couldn’t actually remember ever having seen it. One gentleman asked me if I meant the Cat and Mouse nightclub, and directed me accordingly. But when I got there, there was no sign of Cat and Mouse either although I know it was frequented during the election period. The local candidate, No.6 was reported rolling out of the Cat and Mouse in a somewhat drunken state! Why the Cat and Mouse establishment was there one day and gone the next was probably due to the fact that its customers had become fed up drinking non-alcoholic drinks. Gin, whisky, and vodka might look and taste the same, but they don’t let you escape the village for a few hours!
    So no Cat and Mouse, and no Palace of Fun, which leaves the Recreation Hall, perhaps that was originally supposed to have been the Palace of Fun, but had its name changed, as well as its location! Investigation did indicate the Palace of Fun was to have included a gaming casino, as well as being used to hold amateur theatricals, public meetings, and staging music concerts. However apart from the gaming casino, all other activities are staged at the Town Hall according to No.2. Which is usually the case for Town Halls. Yet the Recreation Hall does have the advantage of a gymnasium for electronic target practice, as well as Kosho, but when it came to an exhibition of entertainment and mime, that was held at the Manor House! Where in the village is the Manor House? I thought they meant the Georgian house, but that’s not the Manor House! A folk music concert was once held, but not at the Recreation Hall, but at the Concert Hall. And now there’s talk of plans for a new Concert Hall, and me not even being able to find the first one, or the reason for the need of a new Concert Hall! There is also a library, and a cinema, but no-one seems to know where these places are, and that includes the village television station! It appears that such buildings are being kept secret from the general populace for some reason. And as for the so called map of the village, apart from it hardly representing a factual presentation of the village, I found it completely useless for finding anything other than what is marked upon it! There are times when the village can be a complete utter mystery! We hear about such places as contained within this article, but no-one seems able to find them, or knows of anyone who had been to any of them! If its marked on the map there is no guarantee it exists, and if its not marked like the hospital there’s never any doubt that it exists, because we know people who were unlucky enough to have been there. I say unlucky because the hospital does have a record for suicides. First there was Cobb who was reported to have jumped to his death through an open window. The second No.73 who had been unhappy in the Village for sometime. Well village life does not suit everyone, and the only way out 73 could see was to jump to her death through an open window. It has been suggested to the hospital’s board of governors that it might be wise to keep all hospital windows securely locked in future. Thus preventing further suicides. As for me, if the Cat and Mouse was open I’d call in for a drink, as I could do with a stiffener. However I am told that a drink, an alcoholic drink, can be obtained from a brewer who lives in a cave, and the caves are marked on the map. So that’s me, I’m out of here, out for a long brisk walk along the cliffs to The Therapy Zone. And when I get there I’ll have a double, and without water!


Be seeing you

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