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Saturday 30 September 2017

The Tally Ho

   It’s A Question of Time For No.2!
                                    by our own reporter  

   No.6 thought it was a question of time, when No.2 could never remember whether it was one lump or two. No.6 suggested that it was in his file, as a matter of fact yes, but it would have saved time if No.6 had just told him. To which No.6 suggested that No.2 might be running out of time! According to No.2 it’s all down to the question of biscuits, and the recent round of Government cuts. During an interview with No.2, I observed that there were no biscuits with the tea. "It's the Government cuts!" said No.2 “ They've cut the Village funding, saying far too much money is being spent on bickies, especially the proper ones, the ones with the cream inside!"   This No.2, who was due to take part in an experiment of a new drug developed by No.14. the drug being new had not been tested on animals, let alone humans. Such was the time scale, that the experiment had to be brought forward. No.14 said that she needed all of a week, but No.2 had not been given a week, he only had three days! "I haven't got a week, I've got three days. “Government cuts in Village funding continue, and are taking their toll. If we're not careful, we'll all be out of a job!" as No.2 says

  "A week! You don't want to damage him!"     It might have been more frugal for the Village Administration to have maintained a single No.2, instead of having the massive turnover in Village Chairmen. It costs a great deal to keep ferrying in new, and despatching old No.2’s. To make no mention of the time it takes to recruit a candidate for the position in the first place, and not always from the British Civil Service. One particular No.2 wasn’t at all happy having been brought back to the Village for a second term of office. This No.2 did try and save money by cutting straight to the chase, to deal with the problem of No.6 once and for all, through the process known as “Degree Absolute.” No.2 was not at all happy, as he was only given a week! What’s more he noticed that there weren’t any biscuits with the tea or coffee anymore! “If we're not all very careful” said No.2 “it will not just be a question of there being no more bickies. There won't be any more tea, coffee, even the future of the Village will be dubious !"  It would seem that the Village’s very existence has come under threat in the latest round of Government cuts. As you can see from the above photograph, building work has come to a stop on one of the cottages, which at the time was under conversion for a new arrival here in the Village. Savings of some 11.5 billion pounds have to be saved from Government spending. And a question was raised in the House of Commons about the installation known as the Village. The question appertained to whether or not the Village was good value for money? This led to the idea that The Village should be closed down, which would make an annual saving of 1 billion pounds a year. But then it was suggested by the Home secretary that to actually close The Village would raise a number of problems, not only in causing further spending in order to re-house many of the Villages citizens, and the possible long term hospitalisation of Village patients. But also the question of a rise in unemployment, brought about by the people who actually worked in The Village on a day to day basis, being placed on Jobseekers Allowance, and that would make more costs. Also there would be the  question of repatriation of the French, Poles, Czechs, and others of  foreign nationals must be taken into consideration. To make no mention of the task and cost of the actual demolition of the Village itself. So it was the opinion of the Home Secretary that to keep the Village in operation would save the Government a rise in employment, and make an instant cut in NHS spending, and any embarrassing questions through the repatriation of a number of foreign nationals. That perhaps better savings could be made, if members of the House of Commons bought their own biscuits in the first place! 

Be seeing you

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