Number Please

    “Number please.”
    “I haven’t got a number.”
    “Don’t be ridiculous, everyone has a number.”
    “I don’t.”
    “You cannot exist without a number.”
    “Then how do you account for me?”
    “I don’t.”
    “But I’m here, you asked me for my number.”
    “Because for official purposes everyone has a number.”
    “I have a name.”
    “Unfortunately that’s not relevant.”
    “Unfortunately?”
    “Yes.”
    “For whom?”
    “You I’m afraid.”
    “Why are you afraid?”
    “Because I know what they will do to you.”
    “What will they do to me?”
    “Send you for therapy treatment.”
    “Why did you ask me for my number?”
    “Because you asked to make a telephone call.”
    “And I cannot make a call because I don’t have a number?”
    “You must be number nothing!”
    “You mean zero, nil, zilch?”
    “Number nothing.”
    “So if zero isn’t a number, if I were number two-four-zero, I’d be the same as twenty-four.”
    “There cannot be the same two numbers in The Village.”
   “Is that why you sub-divide numbers?”
    “Yes.”
    “Like one-one-three b, and one-one-three c.”
    “Again yes.”
    “So zero must be next to one.”
    “No.”
    “So zero is a number.”
    “You are number nothing because you have no number. Zero follows after nine, to go with one to make ten.”
    “I want a number!”
    “You were happy without a number before.”
    “A number, make me a number.”
    “You mean you want me to reduce you?”
    “What?”
    “You want me to reduce you to a number?”
    “Yes.”
    “Why?”
    “Because I want to belong.”
    “To The Village?”
    “Just give me a number.”
    “You choose. 1 2 3 4 5 6 6b 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 16b 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 26b 28 29 30 31 33 34 35 36 36b 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 46b 48  49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 56b 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 66b 68 69 73 80, 81 82 83 84 85 86 88.”
    “Stop!”
    “There is no seven.”
    “But there is seventy-three.”
    “Why seventy-three?”
    “Because.”
    “Why because?”
    “It was forgotten by then.”
    “What was forgotten?”
   “That there is supposed to be no seven in The Village.”
    “Where is this seventy-three.”
    “On her grave.”
    “So there is a seven.”
    “Technically yes, the digit seven.”
    “Then I shall be seven and my first name shall be Lotus.”
    “Names are not used here.”
    “Why?”
    “It’s a rule.”
    “Rules are made to be broken!”
    “Lotus Seven.”
    “What’s wrong with that?”
    “Nothing. I wish you happy motoring!”

BSEEINU