My Lights Have Gone Out!

     Hello my lights have just gone out.
     Well please remain where you are. You will find candles for such an emergency in the lower bottom cabinet in the kitchen.
     So it’s an emergency, that means the electrician will be walking here, and arrive at any moment.
    Did I say emergency?
    Yes.
    Well it’s not a proper emergency is it, I mean your lights have only fused. In the olden days people fixed a blown fuse themselves with length of fuse wire.
    You said the candles are in the lower bottom cabinet.
    Yes.
    And the matches?
    Matches?
    In a small box, short wooden sticks with a dollop of sulphur on one end, you strike.......
    Yes I know what a match is thank you very much. I just can’t recall which kitchen drawer they are in.
    Well there are only two drawers, so it’s a simple matter of elimination wouldn’t you say?
    Always depending on whether or not matches were placed in one of the drawers in the first place.

   You don’t happen to have a cigarette lighter do you?
    I don’t smoke.
    Well you don’t have to smoke to own a cigarette lighter you know.
    Ah, the electrician is here.
    Sorry for the intrusion sir. Ah I see you found the candles, and the matches!
    Yes.
    They don’t always you know.
    Don’t they?
    You’d be surprised.
    Now where’s the fault?
    In the fuse box I think.
    Don’t you know?
    Well if I knew I’d be the electrician wouldn’t I?
    Yes sir, I expect you would be.
    Now then where is the fuse box, I only ask sir, seeing as you live here and I don’t.
    It’s..........oh!
    Problem sir?
    The fuse box................
    What about it sir?
    It’s under the stairs.
    Well in my home the fuse box is under the stairs.
    There aren’t any stairs sir.
    I’ve just realized that, and this is supposed to be a replica of my home in Peterborough.
    Never mind sir, I expect I’ll find it.
    What Peterborough?
    No the fuse box. In the mean time I’ll get Electrics control to switch in temporary reserve. Can I use your phone sir.
   Yes, yes of course.
    Thank you sir. Hello operator put me through to Electrics Control.......what’s my number? 2468139200877866233490123654.......hello 257, this is 2468139 oh never mind, just switch temporary reserve electricity into Private 7.......yes that’s right. Well I can’t find the fuse box, this chap here seems to be under the impression its under the stairs, ’cept there isn’t any stairs.............well switch the temporary reserve in and that will bring the lights back on, then I’ll be clear to find the fuse box.............well I expect its a question of a blown fuse.........well you’d think he could fix it himself with a bit of fuse wire, well you know what they are, call us out for any little emergency..............well no it wasn’t really, that’s why I came on one of those tractor things.......No he doesn’t look as though he could fix a fuse, mind you he did find the candles and matches...............ah good the lights are back on.......he’s what, oh dear that’s nasty, a short circuiting table lamp..................
    Now the lights are on you can find the fuse box.
    All in good time sir. I’ll come back in the morning.
    What do you mean you’ll come back in the morning, what about the fuse?
    You’ve got lights haven’t you? I don’t know, some people want jam on it! Anyway I’ve got to go round to Private 12 there’s a short circuiting table lamp, someone could kill themselves if they’re not careful.
    Is it an emergency?
    Well it has to be, I’ve been told to walk!

BCNU