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Tuesday 2 January 2018

The Prisoner

   The boy is brought before you headmaster.
   This is the boy?
   Yes headmaster.
   He’s a very poor specimen. How old are you boy?
   I’m twelve sir.
   Twelve, well boy we shall see what knowledge you have or lack of it.
   Do you have a name boy?
   Yes sir.
   Well not here boy, we do not use names here do we Twenty-six?
   No headmaster.
   What’s this boy’s number?
   Six headmaster.
   Do you hear that boy, you are Six, number Six.
   But sir……
   There are no buts, officially you are now Six. Although your peg number will be one, your dining chair is eight, and will begin your education in room one. According to your last school’s report you are good at mathematics, mathematics is taught in room one. History is taught in room two, geography in room three, religious instruction room four. Five is woodwork, six, is rural studies, Eight is English….
   Yes boy.
   What is taught in room seven?
   Room seven boy? There is no room seven.
   Why sir?
   Why what?
   Why is there no room seven?
   Because there isn’t, in fact the number 7 has no place in this school whatsoever.
   Why sir?
   Oh I see we have a boy with an enquiring mind. Never mind, we’ll soon thrash that out of you boy. We do not like boys with enquiring minds do we Twenty-Six?
   No headmaster.
   Let me explain to you Six. It’s like hotels, hotels boy do not have a room thirteen because it is deemed unlucky.
   The room is unlucky sir?
   No, the number thirteen is unlucky!
   Does this school have a number thirteen sir?
   Yes, and unlucky for you boy should you ever find yourself in room thirteen!
   Why sir?
   It is a place of pain, torture, and confession.
   How can I avoid it sir?
   By undergoing a total personality change, through social conversion.
   I’m good at figures sir, and woodwork sir.
   Then confine yourself to rooms one and five, five, five, five you are five.
   No sir, I am Six.
   And one boy.
   Six of one, half a dozen of the other.......sir.
   Remove this boy from my presence.
   Yes headmaster.
   And see that he is put to his lessons. Can you box boy?
   Yes sir.
   Orthodox or southpaw?
   Good boy, that’s good. You can take on the Captain of the boxing team, then we’ll see if you are any good boy.
    I’m better at Kosho sir.
    Kosho what is Kosho when it’s at home?
    It involves two opponents, a pair of trampolines, and a tank of water......
    Oh get this boy out of my sight, get out, get out and give him six of the best.
    Twelve sir.
    What’s that boy?
    Twelve sir, so that I can remember sir.
    Oh you’ll remember Six, Six, Six, Six, Six, Six, Six, Six then you will come whimpering to me, whimpering!

Be seeing you

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