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Saturday, 28 May 2016

The Tally Ho

The Return of The Native  
                                                  by our own reporter


So he’s back in The Village! The Tally Ho wondered where Number 6 had been for almost a month. And so your own reporter hopped along to ‘6 Private’ in order to get an interview with the man. Unfortunately I found Number 6 in a most un-co-operative mood {when isn’t he} and he slammed the door in my face! However that has never stopped me from writing a good story before! I contacted the Bureau of Visual Records, the people there were most helpful in allowing me to view the recorded surveillance film footage between February 20th to 22nd. As I understand it Number 6 woke up one morning, around Feb 20th to find The Village deserted {I find that difficult to believe}. He carried out a search, found a number of buildings locked to him, all except the Green Dome, but that too was uninhabited, there being no sign of Number 2, or of his diminutive butler.
   He found an abandoned taxi in the street, the key was in the ignition, turning the key the engine fired into life. Having raided the workman's shed, Number 6 chopped down several small, yet stout trees. From a workshop he emptied the contents of a number of oil barrels down a drain. Also from the workshop he took rope, and with these materials Number 6 built himself a Kon-Tiki style sea-going raft. This does appear to fit, because a number of oil drums, lengths of tree trunks, and rope had to be cleared away by street cleaners from the quayside before the citizens woke up. What’s more Number 19 the shopkeeper reported that the General Store had been broken into. I asked the shopkeeper what items had been taken. 19 had taken an inventory, and found a copy of The Tally Ho, a black loudspeaker, a Cannon Dial 35mm camera had also been taken. Along with a number of tins of Village Food. Tins of corned beef, baked beans, and tinned fruit. As well as a packet of Village darning needles and a jar of cooking oil. What’s more the burglar had left his calling card “I. O. U. 964 No.6?” had been written in chalk on the counter! So with his provisions packed in crates, a barrel filled with tap water, and a bucket, he stowed these aboard his raft. Then Number 6 set about The Village taking pictures with the camera he took from the General Store. Why? Well your guess is as good as mine. I did ask Number 6, but he shouted for me to mind my own business, from the other side of his cottage door! So Number 6 sailed his raft to the mouth of the estuary and out into the Atlantic Ocean. What happened after that? Well it smacks of escape, daring do, and adventure. One can only imagine the perils of putting out to sea aboard an open raft, because Number 6 wasn’t prepared to tell me when I tried to ask him. In short he refused to open his cottage door to me, and shouted to me to buzz off! And then one day, Number 6 returned to the Village. Oh not in the conventional way by helicopter, as surveillance film footage shows, but by jumping out of an aircraft and descending to the beach on the end of a  parachute.
   There seemed to be no-one about, only The Village Cat, as Number 6 crossed the beach, walked up the hill into The Village, along the cobbled street, and back to his cottage. Well it was the only place he could ever go. I suppose Number 6 in having left The Village, and coming back the way he did, it’s rather like the local taxi service. You can go as far as you like, just as long as you arrive back here in The Village, in the end! Although there was no fatted calf for the return of this prodigal son, there was however a cake, the symbolism of which had not escaped me. The  cake, upon which were six lighted candles, having been baked and presented to Number 6 by Number 2 herself. 

Be seeing you

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